Paradise By Election Night

To the tune of "Paradise By The Dashboard Light," by Meat Loaf

GORE: I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Sighing in debates
And there was not a Nader in sight
No economy ever
Looked any better than ours did
Bradley wished he were me that night
And now the race was getting oh so tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right,
And we're bringing in the voters for Election Night
Bringing in the voters for Election Night
C'mon, hold on tight
C'mon, hold on tight
Though it's cold and lonely on the campaign trail
I can see paradise by Election Night.
BUSH: Ain't no doubt about it I'll be up on deck
'Cause it was barely November
And we were neck-and-neck.
BOTH: Ain't no doubt about it,
[Lieberman/Cheney] helps me shout it,
Ain't no doubt about it,
Vote for me, I'm best.
GORE: 'Cause it was barely November
And we were neck-and-neck.
Baby don'cha hear my plan
We got a lockbox for Security dough
I've been waiting so long
To get the White House after Bill Clinton
And I gotta let you know
That old Texas is a hellhole
So open up your eyes, I got a big surprise
I'll be President
Well I wanna spend the surplus now
And now finances are oh so tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're bringing in the voters for Election Night
Bringing in the voters for Election Night
C'mon, hold on tight
C'mon, hold on tight
BOTH: Though it's cold and lonely on the campaign trail
I can see paradise on Election Night
Paradise by Election Night
You got to do what you can
And let your spin doctors do the rest
Ain't no doubt about it,
Vote for me, I'm best.
And it was barely November
And we were neck-and-
We're gonna go all the way tonight,
We're gonna go all the way
On Election Night...

BROADCAST: And it looks like Bush has Florida all wrapped up. His brother is Governor there, you know. But wait! Gore is campaigning in Florida! For 25 Electoral votes, I guess it's worth a shot. Holy cow, look at these polls! They're neck and neck! All those old people really like his Social Security plan. Bush is having to spend time and money in a state he thought he had for sure. I guess we'll just have to wait for Election Night to find out who the voters pick. And they picked Gore! That's a big bosst for him. No, wait! Now Bush is catching up! We take it back, Florida is too close to call. And now the Sunshine State is solidly for Bush! W takes Florida and the White House! No, wait! It's too close to call again!

BUSH: Stop right there.
I think we know right now.
Don't need to go any further,
I'm the winner,
See, those 25 votes
Make me the winner,
My brother delivered,
Now my daddy's so proud,
I want to read your concession
To this sign-waving crowd.
I'm the winner,
I'll be the President now.
My brother delivered,
Now my daddy's so proud,
But you took back your concession
I got "snippy" and loud.
Don't need to go any further
I'm the winner,
I'll pick my cabinet now...
GORE: Let me count again,
Dubya, baby, let me count again.
Let me count again,
I'll give you an answer when I'm finished.
Let me count again,
Dubya, baby, let me count again.
Let me count again,
The Reverend Jackson's at a protest.
Let me count again,
Dubya, baby, let me count again.
Let me count again,
Until the answer is "a Gore win."
BUSH: I think we know right now
I'm the winner,
Look, I'm certified now,
I'm the winner.
I will be so happy
Riding in Air Force One,
I'll give you all a big tax cut
When this whole mess is done,
I think we know right now,
Don't need to go any further,
I'm the winner.
Let's ask the Supreme Court...
GORE: Let me count again,
Dubya, baby, let me count again.
Let me count again,
Those elderly voters got confuséd.
Let me count again
BUSH: Will you count all the soldiers?
GORE: Let me count again
BUSH: I've got my own high-priced lawyers
GORE: I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the ballots started coming
Like a tidal wave
I started suing in the courtroom
In Tallahassee town
I knew I'd be in court until the end of time
So now I'm praying that the end of time
Will never ever arrive
'Cause no matter how they count 'em Bush is always on top
I don't think that I can really survive
I really want to take the inauguration vow
But God only knows what I can do right now.
I'm praying that I'll stay in court
So I can find a count that works.

Long ago when it was far away
My prospects looked better than they do today.
BUSH: It never felt so good, it never felt so right
I'll have to ask Dick Cheney what to do on inaugural night.

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